To recap: My kebab from a couple of nights ago has sparked an analogy that I may not be able to tie up. It might turn out to be the renegade niece in my Austrian sex cellar. But I shall continue, by moving on from the pitta bread of wanton lawlessness, to the suspicious but tasty meat of civilization. Or
Phase 2) Somewhere along the lines we learnt something. We learnt it really wasn't the done thing to kill our neighbour or shag our sister.
There are those who believe that we discovered this through trial and error, that reasoning took hold and said "Wait; everytime I have a child with my sibling, it has two heads. Meanwhile I just stabbed Simon from up the road for laying down a really shit roof, when he was such an excellent pig herder. Maybe I should stop creating kids with sis, and refrain from murdering people who have tried to do me a favour."
The concept that we learnt from reasoning is laughable. A much more plausible explanation follows:
Obviously the reason why rape, incest and murder became forbidden is that some loving Deity sent us all a ten-point memo, passed on by some git who proudly claimed he had just massacred thousands of innocents because his girlfriend had thrush or something (oh, come on, 'burning bush'?) and who had also led thousands of people across the continent, without ever having to worry that they might be copulating or murdering one anothers' faces off.
Moses: Oh, now you give me the Commandments. That might have helped earlier, you know. They were fucking and killing like mad when I parted the Red Sea. And I saw one who was really eyeing up his neighbour's ox.
God: Stop bothering me, I'm making a dinosaur fossil ... Don't ask.
Far more plausible isn't it? The idea that morality came about because of a selfish desire to see the human race survive versus the notion that morality was forced upon us by a despot deity who probably also made sure that ALIENS BUILT THE FUCKING PYRAMIDS.
Anyway, I'm in danger of going off-topic.
With the outlaw and criminalisation of rape (quite rightly) came prostitution. The world's oldest profession, as some may say. There are those who can not get laid, and there are those who are adept at the art of lying to their sexual partner. Why shouldn't they come together? If I can't fix my plumbing, I call a plumber. Plumbing should be illegal!
Police: Sorry sir, I'm arresting you on suspicion of soliciting a plumber.
Me: He told me he had a licence!
Plumber: Me show licence! Me clean plumber!
Police: Filthy scum!
Plumber: Argh ... oog ...
Me: Stop hitting him!
Police: Oh, a plumber-lover is it?
Me: No, I just had a backed up drain but - Argh .. oog ..
Plumber: Me surrender!
Police: Right, which one of you wants to make yourself look Asian so I reach my targets?
To those offended by the idea that I may be defending prostitution, who grumble that it reduces sex to a an animal, selfish act, then may I point out that Shakespeare may well have written his best sonnets about a rent boy. That's fucking art, people.
And yes, I had a prostitute once. I say "had". I was drunk in Amsterdam, and decided that one of the girls in the windows was quite hot. I went in, she offered "suck, fuck or touch" in that curiously arousing accent, and I promptly passed out on the bed. When I woke, ten minutes later, she was massaging my member as though it was Morph and she were Tony Hart. Anyway, I drunkenly decided that the best use of my eighty pounds would be to engage her in conversation.
Yes, she didn't mind what she did, except when the men were particularly offensive to eyes or nose, she earnt a lot of money, the other girls kept an eye on her, and her boyfriend was pacified by the heaps of cash she made. At the end of the day, it was her body, to do with as she pleased and her job was no worse than changing an engine or selling a corporate ideal. When I had gone into a brief description of my life and explained the exact reasons why I'd like to suck her tits, she pushed me back and said "No, that's something you should do to your girlfriend." Which is a very humane thing to do.
Bitch.
Anyway, next up so I can get back onto the topic of sex education : Temple Prostitution. Or possibly not, it really depends on how I feel next time I sit in front of this compter.
No comments:
Post a Comment